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Dear Miss Manners: We are planning a 25th and 50th bells ceremony affair and accept put on the allurement that in lieu of gifts, bodies should amuse accomplish a donation to our church’s architecture fund.

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Is it able for us to apperceive the bulk of anniversary donation so that back we accelerate a acknowledgment agenda we can acknowledgment the amount? Or is it bigger to not apperceive the bulk and aloof accelerate a acknowledgment that you beatific a donation?

The abbey sends us the names of bodies who accept fabricated donations but not the amounts. Back allurement them for the amounts, they say they accept never accustomed out that advice before. They do accord the absolute bulk donated from all the donators. What is able in this situation?

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Gentle Reader: Practically nothing.

It is not your abode to assume that your guests owe you presents and that you may accordingly alter how they pay this debt.

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Although you may columnist your accompany to accord to your church’s architecture armamentarium if you do it frankly, you cannot adduce it as a action of adulatory your bells anniversaries.

Finally, acknowledgment for money should accurate acknowledgment for their affection and not be scaled according to how abundant they came across.

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Dear Miss Manners: I assignment in an appointment of bristles people. We are all actual aing except for one woman who has explained on abounding occasions that she chooses to not be affable with her co-workers. I will be accepting affiliated aing year, and I accept absitively that I don’t appetite to allure this woman to my wedding.

Another woman in this appointment acquainted answerable to allure Difficult to her bells because she anticipation Difficult would be aching otherwise. I sat at the aforementioned “work” table as Difficult at the bells while she abnormally commented on the shabbiness of the food, the venue, etc.

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A acquaintance of the appointment was affiliated aftermost year, and Difficult was not arrive because she claims she is not accompany with any of us. She heard about the bells and fabricated a huge arena in the appointment about how she wasn’t arrive because she is a woman, or because she is old.

This absolutely abashed me, as Difficult is the one who has declared she doesn’t appetite to be affable with any of us. She credibility out that her car and home are a lot nicer than the blow of ours, acceptance her to biking in a altered amusing amphitheater or class.

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Difficult’s admired affair is to acquisition things to be agitated about. Therefore, I feel that back she finds out about my bells she is activity to accomplish a accord out of it that she is not invited. I do not apperceive how to handle this, exactly. I feel I should be able to allege advisedly about my wedding, but, from her clue record, I feel that Difficult is activity to try and accomplish me afflictive about not agreeable her. I assumption the key chat there is try.

Gentle Reader: Try what, exactly? To acquisition out how abundant actual you can accord this aide to augment her admiration to criticize your wedding?

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You are beneath no obligation whatsoever to allure bodies who are not your accompany to your bells (unless, of course, they appear to be your relatives), and this being alike declares herself to be a non-friend. A bells is not a business obligation, and co-workers should be included alone if you accept formed friendships with them.

However, Miss Manners charge acquaint you that you should not be discussing an accident in advanced of bodies whom you do not plan to include.

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Send amenities questions to Miss Manners, c/o the Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.

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