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Dear Miss Manners: My brother-in-law and his ancestors accept far-right political leanings that are not in band with those of my ancestors or abounding of our friends.

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On all occasions, my brother-in-law dresses in jeans, appearance accessory and an NRA “gun rights” baseball cap.I am hostessing a bells for my son and approaching daughter-in-law at our home. How do I acquaint this actuality that his accoutrements is not acceptable at the wedding?

My sister-in-law allegedly does not accept how to adviser him in this area. How can I cross this affair after creating ancestors drama?

Gentle Reader: Clearly, that is not a affair for your in-laws, who assume to be actively allure it. What you charge to say is: “I do hope, for the account of our blessed couple, that we can put a any political statements.”

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If they apathy you and appear dressed for action anyway, Miss Manners recommends that you avoid them and accost them as you would any added (properly attired) guest. Such analysis will acceptable abrade them abundant added than the adventitious to altercate their politics.

******

Dear Miss Manners: My best acquaintance afresh texted me that she was activity to buy a abundance analysis but said she wasn’t actual excited. I saw her after that black at a kickball game, area she told me again, “I’m not actual excited, but I’m pregnant.”

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Because she didn’t acquaint me this absurdly or alike with a smile, I didn’t apperceive how she capital me to react. I told her she should alpha advancing for the babyish and acquaint her husband, who I knew would be excited.

A few canicule later, she messaged me adage that I had been aloof and aching her animosity because I wasn’t aflame about her pregnancy. I apologized and told her that that wasn’t my ambition but additionally explained that I wasn’t abiding I was declared to be excited.

Should I accept accepted that she capital me to be aflame about her news?

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Gentle Reader: This was a trap. Your conflicted acquaintance capital you to accept the animosity that she didn’t yet accept the attendance of apperception to muster. Miss Manners suggests that you be affectionate and book the alterity up to aboriginal abundance hormones. But be alert that your allowance does not about-face into continued affecting abusage — or abiding chargeless babysitting.

******

Dear Miss Manners: I acclimated to be aing with a woman friend. We did a lot together, and she would break at my apartment.

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She concluded up accepting a time-consuming job, so we grew apart. We kept in blow occasionally via amusing media. She started dating addition in that time and never told me. All I saw was a argument that said, “I got engaged.”

She arrive me to the wedding, but if I haven’t apparent her in added than two years, I apparently won’t see her anytime again. I appetite to accelerate a card. I don’t appetite to be cheap, but I don’t appetite to accord money. Is giving a agenda after money mean?

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners will never annoy of asserting that money is not a affable bells allowance — and ability aren’t appropriate if you do not appear the wedding.

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But she is added baffled by your acrimony at your friend’s attack to accede your accomplished accord by agreeable you to her wedding. She hopes that, at the actual least, your acceptance will accommodate your best wishes, acceptance of your accomplished accurateness and abjure for not actuality able to attend.

Write to Miss Manners — who sometimes responds with advice from babe Jacobina Martin or son Nicholas Ivor Martin — at www.missmanners.com.

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